北半球的葡萄^0^

这个学期我们要学数量分析法，要面对很多数据用spss软件进行分析，要有一些数学基础做底子。而葡萄我是完全没有这方面天赋的，大家都知道，我的脑子已经退化到了只能做10以内的加法了。没办法，只好硬着头皮重新来过，好在那些老外也不见得比我强多少。心算还要数指头呢，所以大家都痛苦我也就心理相对平衡一点。

最近的生活相当有规律啊！每天定点的上课，看书，吃饭，睡觉（虽然很少），对狗狗进行爱的教育，骚扰国内外的亲友们，做面膜啊，看ppstream啊。于是也开始定点的写日记，这点以前还真做不到，因为没什么可写的。而现在，虽然每天的日子都过的很像，但我知道我在追求着某些东西，我在朝着我林博士，林教授的梦想一步步迈进。我决定将每天的心情，对于课堂的感受如实的纪录下来，留待以后的自己去回味人生的这个阶段，这样聚沙成塔，也许我的成长会更快一些呢。

今天大家讨论的是综合理论法，结合质量分析与数量分析，然后去computer lab研究试验软件，小组讨论中我又将自己的研究方案精辟的阐述了一遍，得到了众同学的称赞。这个是自然的，我的研究方向早就定好了，一脉传承于硕士阶段的戏剧教学法研究，当然不同于那些还在浩如烟海的文献中找自己航标的老外咯。

说句题外话，真的很讨厌两个同学，不提名字了。一个是个白人女生，动不动就讨论自己做为白人的特权，说自己意识到这样不好，要研究这个。其实白人就白人，何必那么强调那么认真，老是提觉得教育对我们亚洲人还有其他有色人种人不公平有什么用，有时候何必那么强调？这样强调根本就是强化了我们是弱势群体的观念么。

还有一个是个印度同学，已经读了一个心理博士了，还在读教育博士。总以为自己特别了不起，就会对别人的观念吹毛求疵，写的自我评估抽象的要死，引经据典的讨论黑格尔。拜托，你真以为大家都是哲学家啊。倒霉的我还偏偏被要求讨论他的东西给意见，我实在给不出什么意见，只好搬出中国的孔圣人来做挡箭牌，真是烦躁。

另外今天办公室的老外同学做的好过，我和他说我回国可以帮他带个手机他就疯了，直接搂着我亲我的脸。你怎么都不通知我一下啊，不知道那男授受不亲的么？害的我半边脸都被我自己擦红了。哎呀，早知道我就该一早申明，反正这里每个人都尊重大家的信仰和文化习惯，我就直接说好了，也不会这么一下了。

就睡那么点时间我居然还活着，真是奇迹，以前我可是每天睡足至少9个小时的。我要回家补觉了。晚上系里的酒会我还要做司仪呢。真不知道系主任怎么想的，那么大把漂亮外国MM，找我做什么，我还得临时去找衣服，反正还是烦躁。而且我最近对自己的英语相当的自卑，做了好长时间宅女了，都没说什么英文，感觉有点生疏了都。不管了，人家印度人都能说得特别自信，我也就别怕了。

昨天把自己7年前写的所有小说和散文全部整理出来了，洋洋洒洒居然有个100多篇，那个时候的我真的好喜欢玩文字游戏啊！如果那个时候的我能够和现在的我面对面一定会嘲笑我的不知风花雪月的没心没肺的生活吧！看看当时的东西，真的觉得自己现在绝对写不出来。加拿大的生活让我整个人变得粗糙起来了，但是生活却更加立体和丰富了。也许人生的成长也正是这个时候开始吧。

总有一天，当我经历的更多的时候，当韶华逝去，芳菲褪尽的时候，我要把所有的东西集结成册，即使不能变成铅字，至少也能保存自己的每一段生活。我一定要这么做，一定。

哎，回家睡觉，写作业，化妆然后去系里了。我发现自己还真罗索。大家无聊了姑且随便看看吧，希望别让你们觉得更无聊。*^0^*

这个作业非常的不正式，只是随便写写开学两周的感想。我闲的无聊发上来，南外的同学们可以看看。估计语法错误和typo有很多，不要太介意哦！

It is one o’clock in the morning and I am still struggling to write the first self-reflection as I have learnt so much this week during which I have been exposed to so many diverse theories and concepts that I almost got myself “drowned” in the sea of various research paradigms. Anyway, to help both my colleagues and myself to have a clearer clue of my progress, I will reflect on my experience of this week in the following three aspects: 1) reflection on the conference; 2) reflection on classroom discussion; 3) reflection on the readings and lectures.

The Provoking Research Conference

 The conference opened my eyes to diverse research paradigms, mainly qualitative, quantitative and mixed-method approach as well as creative ways of reporting research findings. Frankly speaking, I always position myself as a qualitative researcher based on my educational background and research interest: social-cultural context of EFL (English as a Foreign Language). I used to be reluctant to use quantitative method before as I had thought the data, the numbers were boring and dry which could not explain complicated phenomena in real classroom context. However, after I attended several sessions, for example, Ms. Xiaomei Song’s session on Chinese Test Takers’ Performance and Characteristics on the Michigan English Language Assessment Battery, I became more familiar with the data processing procedure of the quantitative approach and I became aware that quantitative approach might be more suitable to address some specific research questions. Thus, as a researcher, it is not necessary to confine myself by only one paradigm. Moreover, by being exposed to a large variety of research designs and methods,I have changed my assumption that qualitative research approach outweighs quantitative research approach has been challenged and I now begin to consider how to position myself in the sea of different ideological orientations and form my own research approach.

Classroom Discussion

Thanks to in-class discussion with my colleagues regarding different research paradigms, I realize that there is no such a “war” between qualitative and quantitative approaches. “Connecting with a lens” is not simply adopting one or two perspectives, but locating ourselves on a continuum that encompasses different aims of understanding and unsettling the realities we are encountering (Schram, 2006).Instead of choosing one of them, I prefer to integrate different lenses and locate myself in a continuum that encompasses the useful part of any of them in my future research. I see the two trends more in a complementary relationship rather than in conflict. In my view, truth is like a multifaceted gem and it can only be reached in certain ways and by certain degrees. Both paradigms serve as ways to search part of the truth. If the two work together, then more parts of truth are reflected to us. I believe that “the attributes of a paradigm are not inherently linked to either qualitative or quantitative method” (Richard & Cook, 1979, p.16).

Readings and Lectures

What interest me most are the Story Model and the “journey of the learner” as a metaphorical interpretation of mythology or universal story. Interestingly, I am now in the stage of preparing my comprehensive portfolio, in which I had planned to use the word journey to express my academic and professional growth during the PhD program. Therefore, I am excited to have the opportunity to learn the story model and the “journey of the learner” from the course, which I now find extremely helpful for me to reconsider what I have achieved throughout these years as a PhD student of education and as a novice researcher who has just started her own research journey. The story model prompts me to listen to my “inner voice” and to explore my “path with heart”. The description of “learner journey” offers me an alternative to analyze my academic and professional achievement and most importantly, it informs me that it is natural to encounter many obstacles on the path with heart, which made me more confident to venture into my future research and slay the “personal dragon”.

I have had　a wonderful time and experience during these two weeks and I am now more prepared to venture into my future research as a heroine with both quantitative research and qualitative research serving as my best companions.

好容易熬完了一个上午的课，（8点半到12点半），下午居然又多加了一个小型学术研讨会，我的头实在是一个比两个还大，明天还要交一个报告，所以只好把自己关在office里面闭门造车。造着造着肚子就饿了，正好体贴的朋友们电话过来接我去吃饭，所以就先偷个小懒，来这里随便写点东西满足一下我写中文的欲望，最近天天都是ENGLISH，实在觉得烦躁的要死了。

这几天生活相当有规律，一大早雷打不动的7点起床，洗澡，，吃饭，喂朋友家的狗狗，然后一边给国内的亲友们电话一边走着去上学。很久没有过这样的生活了，觉得这样的充实与忙碌非常的有节奏，每一天都过的特别的快，也没有工夫去风花雪月一番。记得好朋友清清曾经骂过我说你这丫头天天睡懒觉，都不知道太阳是什么样子的。你不觉得其实早上起来，端着一杯咖啡走在行色匆匆的人群当中也有一种美好么？当时很不以为然，现在真的很有共鸣。清清，我现在懂得你了，还来得及吧？

然后就是四个半小时的课，三个教授轮番上阵的进行轰炸，各种不同的学术思想和教育理念被巧妙的呈现在我们面前，然后是各种形式的PRESENATION和小组讨论，整个课堂都弥漫着学术气息，偶尔我也会小走个神，比如想想中午一会会吃什么，不过很快就回过神来因为讨论的话题太有跳跃性了，简直容不得你胡思乱想。

中午和几个朋友轮流做饭，伙食还算不错，总算有菜有汤，有点家庭的感觉。然后下午睡个午觉，养足精神，晚上就是通宵达旦的埋在故纸堆里进行所谓的RESEARCH.看累了，就把从朋友那里抢过来的宝贝豆豆（狗狗来的）带出去溜一圈，虽然不知道是谁溜谁，到底两个都出去溜达一圈，呼吸呼吸新鲜空气也是很好的。

这两天家里也不断网了，我又可以间或的开始PPSTREAM了，生活还是相当美好的。就是豆豆又开始掉毛了，哎。家里就是一片狗毛的海洋。另外每天都得给她清狗屎，有时候我不禁胡思乱想，豆豆你还真幸运，天天有个PhD帮你清理排泄物呢。哎，这都什么根什么啊？

不说了，朋友来了，吃饭去了，大家都要加油哦，加拿大的天空下，我在想念你们！*^o^*